Why Did My Husband Have An Affair?

     Question to O. A.:   My husband says he’s a Christian, but he had an affair and left me and our children.  Can you tell me why a Christian would do that?  Do you think he’s really a Christian?  T. J. in California.

     Dear T. J.:  Yes, I can tell you why your husband would do that.  But I can’t tell you whether he’s a Christian.  We expect all Christians to live pure lives.  And they should.  But then when they don’t, we often say, “Well, they weren’t really Christians after all.”

     However, that’s wrong.  It’s wrong because it doesn’t take into account the problem of Spiritually immature Christians.  You see, when people become Christians, they become infant Christians – not mature Christians.

     We see that Spiritual principle clearly stated in the writings of Paul, the First Century Christian teacher.  In a letter to the Christian small groups in the city of Corinth, Greece, Paul condemns their Spiritually immature behavior (things like getting drunk, having affairs, etc.), and he calls them “infant” Christians because of that behavior.[1.  Adapted from First Corinthians 3:1.]

     However, Paul doesn’t say they aren’t Christians.  He accepts the fact that they’re Christians, but he says they’re infant Christians.  What are “infant” Christians?  They’re Christians who’re not letting the Holy Spirit guide their daily thoughts and behavior.  Instead, they’re letting their own selfish human natures guide their daily thoughts and behavior.

     That’s why it’s sometimes difficult to pick the Christians out of a mixed group:  Because infant Christians have essentially the same conduct as non-Christians.  For example, national polls show that there’s very little difference in behaviors of infant Christians and non-Christians.

     Now, what is a mature Christian?  He or she is a Christian who’s habitually Spirit-filled, and who’s made it a habit to let the Holy Spirit flood his or her mind with supernatural love, joy, peace, and patience during the day.[2.  Adapted from Galatians 5:22-23.]

     Applying these principles, here’s what we know:  We know that your husband is either an infant Christian or a non-Christian.  We don’t know which one he is – except we do know that if he’s a mature Christian he wouldn’t have had the affair and left you and the children.

     So, what should you do at this point?  All you can do is grow Spiritually yourself, so the Holy Spirit can guide you through the tough decisions facing you and the children.  The Good News is that God can and will help you, guide you, and give you new supernatural strength and courage.  Finally, always remember that we’re praying for you here at CFO.  Please keep us posted on the wonderful new things that God does in your life.